Why I’d rather be running then share my story.

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So this past few months I’ve become aware of something, I have a hard time sharing my story. So today instead of running I’m going to write the feelings that emerge when I share.  I’m going to face this head on for the first time.  With a lot of soul-searching I’ve come to realize that there are several reasons why this is so difficult.  One for sure, even though it doesn’t seem to others, I’m a shy person and sharing requires me to talk in front of strangers.  It makes me vulnerable.  But a main reason is shame.  I’m so ashamed that I got so out of control that I let my health go.  I’m ashamed of my bad choices in the past and the people I hurt along the way.  My fat insulated me and made it easy to just exist and not bring attention to me.  But now with my success people want to know how, when, and why?  And although my why is simple I just didn’t want to feel like shit anymore the others require me to speak of my journey.  The journey to reclaim my life and heal and repair not only myself but my relationships and people who I’ve hurt along the way.  From now on I give myself permission to be loud and proud because I have worked very hard to get where I am today.  I’m hoping by saying this out loud that it propels me further on my journey and helps me build on my success.

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